Healing Hands

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When to wait or move on

I was teaching bodywork techniques to a client the other day. She asked:

HOW DO I KNOW WHEN TO MOVE ON?

My answer was of course - it depends. I think all of us have received that kind of answer in our lives at some point. No matter what hobby, what profession, what skill set you have acquired or are currently working on, there comes a time when we have to move past the technical aspects and become more intuitive and feel our way through a particular situation. This is especially true when you work with another living being. How you interact and respond really depends on the other individual.

Some horses, like my mare, are very sensitive. She tends to release quickly once she learned to trust the process. My gelding on the other hand gets very deeply relaxed but takes his time letting stuff go. So how do you know when it is time to move on?

If you have the time, waiting is always beneficial.

When you address deeply held tension patterns, time is your best friend. They can take a few minutes to unravel and let go. As long as your horse is processing, wait. Sometimes I even walk away or step outside of the stall to help facilitate the release. Some horses even need that personal space. One of my clients has a horse who has the biggest releases as soon as I tell him: I think we are done for today. You should see his face and tongue contortions! While he does release nicely DURING the session, he saves all his best and funniest expressions for last.

However, if you do want to move on because you only have a certain amount of time, don't fret. We can't always wait for longer periods of time. Just be mindful about how you approach the horse again. Enter his space softly, let him know you are there. Don't be hesitant, be soft.

While you may think this only applies to bodywork, I can assure you it has its application in many other ways.

Take for instance the example of you making a request for your horse to back out of your space. How many times have you asked for the backup but did not give your horse the time to think about your request? And when he didn't comply right away, you instantly got loud and insistent.

In my last blog, I mentioned that horses live in the moments of silence between the sounds.

For our horse to be RESPONSIVE to our requests, we have to be RESPONSIBLE for our delivery of that request.

And that delivery also includes giving the horse time to figure out what we asked. Have you ever had your horse give you the wrong answer? I sure have. A lot of the time we tend to get mad and upset about it. But what if you looked at his "wrong" answer as him truly thinking that's what you asked for? Or how about acknowledging that your request was unclear, fuzzy or simply incoherent to your horse? And since you are looking for a response, he gave you SOMETHING?

 We typically want our horse to give us the "perfect" answer every time. But sometimes, we need to meet him where he is at and build on it.

This may mean having to re-explain something, to break the request into smaller components, to stop, re-evaluate, re-engage. It may also mean waiting a few seconds. And sometimes, good is good enough. Not because we want to settle for mediocre, but we realize that on our way to excellence, we have to go through many other stages, good enough/better than yesterday is one of them. 

For instance, when I work on increasing a horse's range of motion in his front end, I don't automatically expect him to go to the max. I see where he is at and slowly ask him to let go of restrictions. This can include different techniques. But I always focus on softness and giving, letting go, giving it to me vs me taking it. It's a huge difference to your horse.

If you allow your horse the time to think it through, you will create trust and relaxation. You are now creating a mental and emotional space where he will no longer feel the need to brace against your requests and demands. He can process it on a much deeper level.

It will also teach YOU to become more conscious and observant of the little things. Of those times when your horse starts asking for clarification or when he tells you of his difficulties to comply and execute. Your communication will become much more subtle. You know how couples with a deep connection can finish each other's sentences? What if you could achieve this kind of connection with your horse?

You can find it - in the space between - in the silence of waiting - in the state of being.